gracious. fervent. faithful. steadfast. consistent. living. lovely. holy. good. simple.
All of these words are words that come to mind when I think of the Lord. Just about a week ago I was on a plane, flying home to Greenville. I sat in that window seat gazing through the window at the sun setting. At this point we hadn’t taken off and the plane was still on the ground driving around the runway. In this time and during the rest of the flight the spirit of God felt so close. I’m not sure if i’ve ever been able to feel His presence as much as I have in that moment or these past few weeks. I sat in this and was just, quiet. The Lord started to reveal to me all of the things He has taught me in the past month. It was so eye opening.
I remembered a conversation I had with my mom a couple of months back. I had begun talking to her about how discontent I was with being here and how I just wanted to be overseas so badly. As we all know that is something I have consistently struggled with for a pretty long time. Anyways I remember her saying, “the season you are in right now is happening for a reason. There are things the Lord wants to teach you before it is time for you to go. You will not be ready to go until you learn these things. When it is time you will know. You will be able to say, that is what God wanted to show me before I left. When it comes time for you to go overseas you will know fully that God has prepared you completely for that exact moment.” Because of this, something I truly believe now is that you don’t know the purpose of a season till it has finished. How can you really understand God’s plans for your heart before you see the fruit of the season? You can’t. I don’t think we ever understand why God has us certain places or why He does certain things until we see the outcome.
This memory led me to realize how seriously good our God is. I sat there on my last flight home and thought “oh my gosh. next time I am on a plane…i’m going to Asia!” For the past 8 months I have been restless, discontent, longing to be overseas. Now I’m four months out which, if I might add, will fly by. This is what then led me to think, “what has the Lord taught me in these months that has prepared me for this moment?“
Something that truly wrecked me a couple of months back was when I came to the realization that I had no understanding of the Father’s love for me. For Julie, as an individual human being. I knew the facts, but I couldn’t feel the truth or even believe it for my self. Because of this I didn’t know how to truly, genuinely love others with a Christlike love. And let’s be honest, this is a major quality you need. Not only on an overseas mission field but, for life in general. This sent me into a huge thirsting for growth, for understanding, for closeness to His spirit. This sparked a season of learning how deeply the Father loves me individually. Not only this but, I began to spend time with Lord so intimately. I can feel His presence, I have started to understand His grace, His love, His heart. This has led to contentedness. I am actually so content. I’m so, so happy and okay with being here for the season He has me in. I am content and thriving in singleness. I am content in my job, my relationships, my daily life. I don’t want to just be content in this season, I want to be content in every season to come. I want to be content no matter the circumstances. And because he has shown me that He can help me to have that now, I know he can show me how to have that in the future. I’m okay with His plans. I will be okay in each season because, I know that He has me. His way is better, He knows the plans He has for me.
These realizations remind me of Paul. He had so little, so how was he so content? Instead of being on a mission field he was passionate for, he was locked inside of a jail cell. Instead of a partner and a family, he was a single man. How did he find that mindset we all refer to as contentedness? He focused on an eternal list. What eternal things did he have? The love of God, forgiveness, salvation through Jesus, a grounded relationship with the mightiest King. To him, the eternal reigned far supreme to the earthly treasures.
Through finding this new understanding of His love, I feel myself being able to love others deeper. It brings so much joy to see others, to love them the way God has created us to love others. And yes, I most likely will struggle sometimes to feel His love, to love others, to be content. But because I have understood it this time, I will know it is possible again. When you have tasted the rivers of Christ’s love once you will never stop thirsting for it. There is no going back.
I have such an urge to spread this love, this grace. I have seen and tasted. It has grown my passion to love the nations even more. Who knew that was possible?? And at the same time, i’m content here…on American ground?? Woah! That is how you know God can do great things! hahaha! And I know I still have more to learn in this next 4 months before I am ready to GO, as mom would say. But I am so excited for those new lessons to come because, I know it just can’t stop getting better when Jesus is the main character of this story called life.
Acts 21:13-14 “Then Paul answered, “Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, “The Lord’s will be done.”
Phillipians 4:12-13 “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.“
^^I have a feeling this is what a lot of my views for the next few years will look like and I am totally okay with that. ((:
