Friends!! I know it has been a bit but I’m here to share a bit about the realness of what this past couple of weeks has looked like!
The past two weeks there was a GAP squad staying with us at base so rather than 15 people living here, there was 45. Which was a bit insane. They were originally scheduled to leave within a week but the night before, sickness hit both teams like a bus. We went full quarantine mode for the 12 who were sick and full cleaning mode for the other 32. With all of this happening they stayed about 5 extra days. During these extra days I was becoming so drained and I just couldn’t figure it out.
What I realized after getting my thoughts in order was how homesick I was becoming. For me this was something completely new to experience. I’m not one to miss home very easily. Feeling this was making me utterly drained and distant. I miss my family, my friends, my church, my job, my apartment, my routine. I felt lonely, I felt sad, I felt separate from everything happening around me. As an introvert, when I get lonely I tend to shrink back a lot and distance myself even more. Something that has been hard is finding my groove here in this new way of life. I’m used to the groove I have at home. At home I know when the Lord is changing things, when He is teaching me things, when He is challenging me. I am someone who loves to be challenged. Being here I haven’t been able to understand what He is teaching me or challenging me in. So, with all of this mashed together it has led to major homesickness.
My thought process through all of this was so wrong!! I was living in the mindset of “I should not be feeling this way.” I thought that if the Lord has called me into overseas missions I shouldn’t be missing home. I thought “maybe I heard the Lord wrong and this isn’t where He actually wants me.” Allowing myself to think this way is what led me to a downward spiral of questioning my calling. After having a conversation with my mom and a few teammates they spoke truth into me that contradicted every negative thought I had. To sum it up, they said, “Everyone is going to struggle in their calling, but that doesn’t change what the Lord is leading you to do.” That statement could not be more true!! Yes, I feel homesick. Yes, I don’t understand what God is teaching me. But that doesn’t mean the Lord isn’t still working and challenging me. Our God is a mysterious God. We aren’t always going to understand each thing right when it is happening. We aren’t going to know the answers right away. Oh AND it would be kind of hard hearted of me if I didn’t miss my people even just a little bit. So maybe I’m grateful to know I have people and places close to my heart that are worth missing wholeheartedly.
The Lord is beginning to show me how to see the beauty of the seasons at home and the seasons overseas!! I am learning how to continually appreciate each glorious moment. He is teaching me how to find joy in the menial moments just as much as I find it in the BIG, GOD moments. Big moments are God moments. But small moments are also God moments. These past few days have been such happy days filled with such happy things. The moments I’ve experienced are things I know I will look back on with such joy. The way I feel homesick for South Carolina days, I will also feel homesick for Ecuador days.
The Lord has blessed me with this beautiful team, home, and season of life!! I want to share a few happy moments with you guys!! I’ll list them below! Let’s start a trend of declaring joy in our everyday life!!!!
- Nuke‘em ball always
- Worship circles!! Especially with Syd on the cajón
- Trench digging while dancing to Lemonade Mouth
- Aeropress coffee in my new Ecuador mug
- Hugging the sickies when they got out of quarantine!!
- New friends from GAP E SQUAD
- Finding out about our debrief adventures at the coast!! Road trip to the beach in a couple of days!!!!!!
- Listening prayers!!
- Picking wildflowers of course
- New finds in the laundry room aka the world race thrift store
- Froot loops and avocados
- My sweet wall of notes and other cute papers
- Going to church and singing happy birthday!!
- Dancing in a nighttime thunderstorm WOWOWOWOW
- Oh and also playing ball in a nighttime thunderstorm
- All of my new hats
- Movie nights with my sisters
- Riding a bike at the park (which also used to be an airport lol)
- Grocery stores HAHAHA iykyk
- Empanadas
- The ATM finally working and getting my music to redownload LOL
- Folding sheets and organizing the laundry room
I’ve been praying joy for you so much. This makes my heart so happy to read. It’s beautiful to see how much your making yourself available to God and are listening to what He’s teaching you??