it only gets better.

Hey everyone! It’s been a few months. I haven’t been very active on this blog lately, as I have been pretty focused on my fundraisers for my trip and working a lot!! But, here I am because I have reached 50% fundraised!! Five months ahead of my deadline. God is so good. It astounds me every time! I figured reaching this goal was the perfect excuse to hop on here and update you all on me and where my heart has been over this past few CRAZY months!

So, to get into it (Avery if you’re reading this please tell me you thought the same thing I just did)-sorry inside joke moment over-anyways to start off I would love to take this opportunity to share some of the crazy cool things God has been teaching me recently.

One of the biggest things He has been showing me to focus on is how my current decisions and reactions affect eternity. Essentially, learning to focus more on the eternal effects rather than the here and now and how I feel momentarily. When you set your mind more on the things of above and how God is moving for the future it brings your relationship with Him into such a place of security and steadfastness. You begin to think more about how each decision affects the next and whether it is the best one or not. Something I read in a devotional I was studying recently said “When we live for eternity, our difficulties don’t disappear- but they don’t weigh us down either.” I have come to find such a restful peace in my heart and my mindset when I have this way of living and trusting in God. In 2 Corinthians 4 Paul speaks a lot about this as He is writing to the Church of Corinth, when he sees how they are struggling. He speaks to them about the persecutions he himself had endured. In 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, it says,

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 

It speaks on focusing on the eternal value of the trials we are going through right now and how we can turn them to renew our hearts to become more and more focused on Jesus and His plans. 

Something the Lord has also been teaching me is actually something He has opened my eyes to notice more. I have always been someone who struggles to realize that people around me actually do genuinely care for me and love me. To be quite vulnerable actually, I always feel as if people don’t like me or just pretend to be my friend or supporter out of pity or awkwardness. Literally, it could even be my best friend in the whole world and I would still have this feeling deep down. But something I have come to realize over this time of preparing and growing support for where God is leading me, is that those around me genuinely do want to support me and they REALLY, REALLY do care about my purpose and the story behind how passionate I am for missions. They truly do want to see me succeed and follow where God is leading me no matter what that means. To have my eyes opened to that is so cool and life changing for me. It changes the way I view not only myself, but also others.

Another topic I wanted to hit on in this blog was where God has grown me in during the time I haven’t been active on this blog. One of the biggest things that I feel has truly changed in my life is how independent I am. Not in the way of independence from my parents or turning 18, ahahaha! But in a way where I don’t feel the need to be with people in my life consistently to stay close with them. I have moved from a mindset of over attachment and FOMO to contentment on my own and contentment in friendships that survive solely on a foundation rooted in Christ. Not on hang outs, or inside jokes, or drama. I feel so secure and ready to leave for 3 months, that I no longer fear missing out or becoming distant with people I truly care deeply about because I know it won’t happen if they are truly meant to be in my life for longer than a season. I’m so stoked to be on a journey, just me and God, with the world at my fingertips. There is nothing stopping me from pursuing this path fully and completely. I have no attachments that will hold me back. It is the actual coolest and craziest thing ever. I can’t believe I can actually do what I love and live overseas for months at a time. I’ve always been fearless of leaving and doing this but this is a NEW kind of fearless and I am so ready.

Now, for my third and final topic. What have I been struggling with? well to start off nice and STRONG! (sense the sarcasm? yeah, me too.) anyways something that I’ve probably struggled with for almost year and am still growing in is how much I get frustrated with people. Not outwardly or in an argumentative way but, more so in a silent way. Not because I personally have any issues with them but because I get so frustrated when I see people not viewing current problems or issues as a momentary problem. It’s almost in a way where I just wish they could experience how freeing it is to view things how they will affect the future rather than that one moment.  In a way this goes back to my first point on where I’ve been learning about “living for eternity.” But my problem with this is that I just expect too much out of people. I expect them to understand how I feel on certain things. I expect them to understand my passions or how much I miss the mission field. I expect them to understand how I am struggling or how I am praising. I even get scared to write this for all of you to read because,again I think, “will they get it or will this just seem like gibberish to them?” And even this can become such a selfish way of thinking. It can become a way for me to think everyone I talk to needs to understand ME. When really my sole purpose of talking to people or sharing my heart should be to bring light to them through Jesus and to show them how great our God is.

The second thing I’ve been struggling with and I didn’t really notice until a friend mentioned it to me was how much I limit myself on sharing my heart. I tend to get insecure and think that I don’t have anything “wise enough” or “helpful enough” or “biblical enough” to share. I view myself as the little one or the one who doesn’t have much to teach. I didn’t really notice this until I was having a conversation about the struggle I was talking about above and my friend said “well then when the opportunity comes, why don’t you share that so maybe others can experience that freedom and growth. You have the wisdom on a subject so share it!” I said “well, I mean I’m not a very wise person and I don’t think i’d be able to help anyone very much.” It really brought me to realize how much I limit myself on sharing my experiences or growth for others to learn from or even be encouraged from. this whole topic really brings me to think of the verse in 1 Timothy 4 where it speaks about how the youth should not limit themselves. It doesn’t matter your age, if you have learned something great from God.

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

“Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.” Ecclesiastes 4:13

So, there’s an update on me! I’m just so stoked to see what God is going to do next! Something I consistently want is for Him to keep using seasons in my life for growth. We never stop growing as followers of Christ. There’s a lyric to one of my favorite songs that makes me think of this every time I hear it. Kind of random as it’s not a worship song but it is legit a GREAT song. The song “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol, there is a lyric that says “show me a garden that’s bursting into life.” Every time I hear it I can’t help but to think of Christ and how He is consistently leading us to grow our roots deeper into the foundation of His love and wisdom. I just want to feel God continue to pull me in closer to Him and His heart. I want to see more of Him and the treasures He has waiting for us in this life and the rest of eternity. When we are willing to let Him continue to tear the scales from our eyes, it just gets better and better and better. I can’t think of anything that makes me want to live a life for Him more. It’s just the best pursuit you could ever choose.